Bitches Always Trippin'

Nothing’s Cute About Lice

Want to know what I’ve been up to? I’ll tell you what I’ve been up to. I’ve been delousing for almost three weeks.  That’s right friends, I’ve been battling head lice. It started in mid-June. I asked my mom to check my scalp a couple of times. I used a magnifying mirror to check myself. I didn’t see anything, so I left it alone.

 

I have no idea where they came from. It could have been a friend’s kids, it could have been on the movie theater seats. It could have been from my bitch roommate who hardly cleaned up after herself. Anyway, had I known earlier, I would have been able to take care of the problem sooner. I thought I had psoriasis or fungus or something.

 

I found out what the problem was after I found a couple of adult critters on my skin. Are you completely disgusted, yet? Or, did I lose you after the first paragraph? Anyway, I put them in a little baggy and searched online for images. Thank God for the interwebs! The critters did not look like lice because they were much darker, but they looked close enough. Black, no wings. Yuck.

 

 

 

I think I am going to vomit just looking at this picture. Whatevs…it’s my blog. Moving on…

 

I called my hairdresser, but, she was unavailable. Then, I called a friend, who is also a hairdresser. She said her kids had this problem last year. She said to put lots of olive oil all over my head and they will come right out. I did this, not realizing how big the problem was. I left it on for half an hour, and combed my hair. I couldn’t believe how many were in my hair.

So, I started to look on the internet for advice. I found these videos, “Head Lice to Dead Lice: Parts 1 and 2”:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCoZP5Aso5U

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGvGY72zAqI

 

The 5 Step Battle Plan is:

1. Use a pediculicide;
2. Olive oil treatment (smothers and kills the lice) – leave on at least 8 hours (can be used as  a precautionary measure);
3. Clean the environment (soak combs in hot water, vacuum, wash and dry everything in hot);
4. Comb out the nits;
5. After hair is dry, check for nits.

Lice live about 30 days and lay about 6 eggs per day. Each egg takes 8-10 days to hatch. It takes 8 -10 days for the lice to mature enough to lay their own eggs. So, it’s important to repeat the olive oil treatment and nit combing every 4 days for three weeks.

 

I also found these two articles on killing lice with dry heat:

 

http://www.medpagetoday.com/Pediatrics/GeneralPediatrics/4452

 

http://www.npr.org/2012/04/09/150299564/the-key-to-keeping-lice-at-bay-a-lot-of-hot-air

 

I started blow drying my scalp for a 30 minutes in hopes that it would help. I think it did.

 

I recommend using olive oil as a non-toxic way to kill most of the lice, but you’ll have to follow up for weeks. I think a combination of shampoo, olive oil, and heat treatment is the best quickest way to get a handle on these critters.

 

I recommend taking time off from work to devote yourself to the de-lousing process. This is partly, to prevent spreading this nuisance to others. It is also because the process is stressful, uncomfortable, and time consuming. You will need your energy.

 

Lastly, and incidentally, what the fuck is this shit? I Googled lice, and here’s what popped up:

 

Download (PDF, 196KB)

 

Racist ass Google. Right up there at the top, it says “Black People.” Why is there a whole category up at the top for black people? Anyway, I did like the picture of this lady:

 

She does have a blog about lice:

 

http://teaspoonandpound.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/life-after-lice-special-feature/

 

Anyway, I’m done talking about lice. Don’t bring it up again.  There ain’t a God-damn thing that’s cute about lice.